Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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