if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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