If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
