Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
