Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
