I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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