they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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