I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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