dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
