he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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