Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
