Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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