marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
