Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize