is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
