He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Fuck appropriateness.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
