thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
