your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
