watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
