omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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