Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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