Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
