It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
