Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
