The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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