I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
