I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
