at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize