What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I want her autograph on my taint
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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