Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
