I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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