what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
