After last night, I could never be a politician.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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