What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
