I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
