Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
