Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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