a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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