So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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