wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
