yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
