The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize