Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
