i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
