wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
