Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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