i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
