he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
