FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
