Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
