the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize