well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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