I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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