I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
