I think i peed on brittanys purse
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
high people should be assigned attendants
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
