I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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