Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
