where am i from again
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
