I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
