would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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