Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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