My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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