I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
