When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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