i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
