well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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