yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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