I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
