you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
