THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
