I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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