sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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