Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
