Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
