I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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