my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize