Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
