can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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