I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
