I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
