How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
