i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
