How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Panties = found
Randomize