i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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