I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize