My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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