yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
