Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
