Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
