Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
