whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
