life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
