True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
