forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
