Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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