I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
