when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
