i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
