We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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