Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
