I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
